Soft, But Not Weak: The Balance Every Ambitious Woman Deserves

Growing Up Meant Achieving

Have you ever felt like you have to hold it all together — all the time? Like your worth depends on how much you accomplish, how strong you look, or how well you carry everyone else’s needs?

I know that feeling because I’ve lived it. I can't say I'm proud of tying my worth into ambition, but that has previously been my truth, and the burnout I have experienced has been real.

As a black girl in a very small southern town, I learned early that achievement was my way forward. Insecurity, desires to live the life I saw on tv, and the pressure to prove myself were a part of me from a young age, so I chased excellence like my life depended on it. By high school, my identity was wrapped in achievement for acceptance and a strong will to be successful. I earned full rides to college, but what I really learned was that being enough seemed to mean doing more.

That mindset didn’t disappear, but life added even more pressure to prove that I was good enough and smart enough. I decided to leave my full ride at Spelman to do hair. 6 months later, at 20, I got pregnant and became a mother at 21. I remember going to school from 7 am to 7 pm, pregnant as hell, and still feeling I needed to prove myself by being in the honors program at Paul Mitchell. To make a long story short, I ended up visiting the ER one night unable to even get OUT of my car at 8 pm due to pain. I was told by doctors that I needed chill out and bed rest, but I ignored them and still didn't learn my lesson at that age.

By 24, I was married. At 25, I found myself juggling more than I ever imagined — raising my second child, finishing my degree, and opening my salon, Replenish, all at the same time. On the outside, I looked unstoppable, like I was so capable of multitasking with a superwoman cape on. On the inside, the weight was heavy, and sometimes still is.

Burnout isn’t something I can talk about in the past tense, because I notice I still flirt with it if I’m not careful. I’m still unlearning the belief that achievement equals safety.

Redefining Strength Through Softness

I used to believe strength meant never stopping, never asking for help, never showing the cracks. I still catch myself slipping back into that definition, but I’m learning that strength without softness drains me.

Softness, for me, is saying no without guilt. It’s resting without apology. It’s receiving without over-explaining why I deserve it. These things don’t come naturally — I have to practice them daily.

Softness doesn’t take away from my ambition, it helps me carry it. It doesn’t erase strength, it makes it real. I’m still redefining what that balance looks like, but I know this: the old way of pushing through everything no longer works for me and causes me to go back and forth between anxiety and depression.

Affirmations: Reprogramming Spirit and Mind

I’m intentionally working on how I speak to myself. My inner voice has long been shaped by pressure and perfectionism, and affirmations are one of the ways I’m rewiring it.

Spiritually, affirmations feel like a return to what I learned growing up in a Baptist church — that our words hold power. Prayer used to feel like asking and begging God to me. Now it's so much more: it is about declaring, believing, and speaking life. Affirmations feel like a form of prayer I get to carry with me into every part of my day.

Psychologically, I’ve learned they matter too. Studies have shown that because of neuroplasticity, the brain can literally create new pathways through repetition. Every time I replace “I’m not enough” with “I am soft, but not weak” or “I don’t have to harden to be respected”, I’m practicing a new way of thinking. It doesn’t flip overnight, but over time, I notice the shift.

This practice is helping me heal and re-center. Some days it flows easily, other days I struggle, and I'm learning that that’s okay. Affirmations remind me I don’t have to arrive at a certain destination on my journey to be worthy — I just have to keep showing up for myself and giving myself the grace I deserve in this human experience.

A Final Word to Ambitious Women

If you’ve ever carried the weight of proving yourself — in your career, your family, or your community — I see you. I’m still in that tension too. Some days I get it right, other days I don’t.

What I’m learning is that we don’t have to choose between ambition and softness. We were made to embody both if that's what we choose. Affirmations keep me grounded in that truth. They remind me daily that my worth isn’t measured by how much I achieve. They whisper back to me: softness is not weakness. It is power.

✨ That’s why I created my video, Soft, But Not Weak: Affirmations for Balanced Women. It’s not me teaching from the mountaintop — it’s me inviting you into what I’m still practicing, still learning, and still becoming. Join in with my 5 minute video below to affirm your strengths and accept softness in the moments you need it most.

Sending you love,